Can I Testify?

God is faithful to those who trust in Him! On February 8th, I received an email that I matched at my top choice for residency. Since the 4th grade, I knew I wanted to be a doctor, and my journey has been a challenge like no other. Here is my testimony:

The first 2 years of medical school were extremely fast paced and required me to alter many things in life (like functioning off of little sleep and not having a social life). These 2 years were full of lectures, reading, studying, and exams. Not bad you say? Well, the amount of material that you are expected to learn is daunting. I can remember someone comparing it to drinking water from a fire hose. Did it feel like that? Yep, pretty much. I was always studying and felt like there weren’t enough hours in the day. Learning to use my time wisely was a necessity. I never got used to it, but I managed to find what worked for me. Once I finally got into the swing of things those two years had nearly flown by. Before I knew it, I was headed to year three. I was extremely excited to finally put everything that I had been learning to good use and begin to see patients on my clinical rotations. That excitement faded pretty quickly, however.

See, between the end of second year and the start of third year is when medical students take their first of many board exams. There are Levels 1 and 2 (also known as Step 1 and 2) that students take in their third and fourth year. Then after you graduate and start residency you take Level 3 (Step 3). I had taken my Level 1 exam in June of 2013, and just like many medical students across the country, I anxiously waited 4 long weeks for my score. I remember the day I received my score like it was yesterday. I didn’t see the sun at all that day. I was on my general surgery rotation, which meant that I was at the hospital before daybreak and did not leave until it was dark again. When I finally got home I was tired, hungry, and my feet were killing me from standing up all day. After plopping on the couch, I checked my email and noticed my score had been released. I was so anxious, then became crushed as I saw the words, “FAIL.” I couldn’t believe it! After an emotional phone conversation with my parents I realized that it wasn’t the end of the world, I would just take the exam again.

I registered to take the exam again, and attempted to figure out what went wrong. I got all kinds of study tips and advice from friends and classmates. I continued on with my rotations and was really connecting with the ability to see and treat patients. I had learned so much and really worked hard to show my preceptors that I knew my stuff. They gave me feedback and I had gotten superb reviews on my evaluation forms. Things were looking up.

The time had finally come to take the exam for a second time and I was ready. I knew that I had prepared and studied my butt off. I walked out of the testing center with a sense of relief. I was glad that the exam was behind me. Then I became a player in the waiting game again. Four long weeks later, the highly anticipated email came. Unfortunately, I had failed again. By this point, I was really beginning to think that maybe this becoming a doctor thing isn’t meant to be. I had always made good grades and did well all throughout college, graduate school, and the first 2 years of medical school. I could not understand why I was doing so well on my clinical rotations, but was struggling so much to pass a standardized exam. I felt defeated and discouraged. I was embarrassed, ashamed and hated when friends and family asked me how school was going. Honestly, I even questioned why God allowed this to happen to me.

Taking the advice of my clinical advisor, I took time off. Basically, that meant that I was removed from clinical rotations to focus solely on passing my board exam. Eventually I passed the exam and went back to rotations, but taking time off put me “off cycle” (meaning I would not graduate with my incoming class). One of the hardest things for me was watching my friends walk across the stage at their graduation as I sat in the audience. I was genuinely happy for my classmates; however, I couldn’t help but think, “That’s supposed to be me.” Nevertheless, I pressed on. I realized that getting knocked down is ok, but staying down is not acceptable. I made up in my mind that I was not going to allow discouragement and depression to attack my mind, and that I was not going to allow a standardized, man-made exam define my future success as a physician.

It wasn’t easy, but I continued on with my third year and went into my fourth year with a new mindset. I had more bumps in the road, but by November 2015 (when I completed all of my rotations) I had a new found appreciation of what I went through.

Let’s fast-forward to today. I have received my degree in the mail, signed my contract for residency, and now just counting down to graduation day. Even though I have my degree, I don’t think it will feel complete until I actually walk across the stage.

All of the glory belongs to God! Looking back, I now know that my struggle wasn’t just for me. It was to help someone else who may be going through a difficult time or a similar situation. When God has called you to do something, trust that it WILL happen in HIS timing.